delight: (up the ladder)
In this case, a very very short thing to post because I have nothing to expand upon, it's just a thing to post.

What are you reading?
Just textbooks, at the moment, I'm in between Actual Enjoyable Books because of not having a lot of time to read; I keep having to study or sleep on the train. If anyone cares about the title/authors of my textbooks, I'm happy to share ... ?

What did you just finish reading?
Lindsay Buroker's seventh Fallen Empire book, which has now been titled Perilous Hunt. I read an early edition and provided scientist beta reading, so the published version isn't going to have been the one I read.

What do you think you'll read next?
I'm hoping to get to Annie Bellet's Anne Baines' Hunting Delilah, a thriller written by a fantasy writer whose works I enjoy despite them being in the Not My Genre of traditional fantasy. The official blurb: Desperate for money after a heist goes south, Delilah breaks into a rich man's home. But instead of cash and jewels, she discovers a severed head and a serial killer. When the killer threatens her chronically-ill daughter and her childhood sweetheart, Delilah must turn the hunter into the hunted in a dangerous game only one of them will survive.
delight: (relaxed in tiny empty spaces)
I'm utterly exhausted by the full time work/full time school/then writing shit for fun dance, so I never have anything to actually say.

So here's the view from where I'm sitting, literally. )
delight: girl with camera; text "replace fear of the unknown with curiosity" (see you later innovator)
Vague hodgepodge collection. I am nothing if not terrible at updating, but I also enjoy talking into a void so to speak. I did make a new Tumblr account because I have a lot of friends who are only there, but Tumblr is a very scary void. I have an Imzy acount, which I'm loving, but it doesn't seem like the best place for this kind of stuff? I would love recommendations to good Imzy comms, though, if anyone has one! I made /publichealth with my more-comfortable-shared-with-RL pseud (because that's going to get shared with offline people, I'm sure) but so far it is just me spewing news links whenever I see 'em. Totally open to non-PH professionals, though!

Anyway, the rest of my generally-unrelated things:
– School officially started on the 25th, but my first on-campus class is the 29th. I work from 8-4, which requires leaving my house at 6:30, and then have to be on campus by 5. Which means walking over and taking the 3 train, which usually takes about half an hour, and hoping I have time to change out of my scrubs and am not late for my first class of the program ever.

– Hanging out in the hospice, where there's one specific tension-y thing going on but is otherwise okay. My mom just suddenly got the flu (?! though we've seen a couple of cases at work, I guess it's just early this year) so I'm here instead of working. Dad has been unresponsive for about a week, I think. I can't remember the last conversation we had, and I'm actually glad of that because I don't want to focus on it. His blood pressure right now is 79/47. His birthday is tomorrow, so we're hoping he dies tomorrow, because we're horrid people who like symmetry (also he's turning 66) and we also want him to stop hurting.

– I didn't have the flu, but I did have pleurisy and a sinus infection. Now I have this really horrid, disgusting remnant cough but am not actually sick anymore. No symptoms and I feel completely fine ... except that I'm always coughing in front of patients and having to apologize to them and explain I'm not sick.

– Sideline of speaking-of-dad, this happened. We're completely floored. So many people are coming together, and now that is definitely happening.

– Painted my nails for my co-worker's birthday party tonight (also, I have co-workers who invite me to birthday parties? it's a chef's table, very fancy sort of deal, and I'm missing my best eyeshadow brush) and one of my fingernails just broke right off. Like, the entire thing. It's broken past the quick. Poor ugly pinky.

– ... and this post was abruptly interrupted because someone came in the room and brought in a box! And inside the box was a gift from my dad's two closest co-workers, containing a flower arrangement that looks just like the banana creme birthday cake with raspberry frosting they gave him a few years ago. Complete with real rose to mimic the icing rose!
delight: (up the ladder)
("Here" being the hospice, not work. I am not DW posting at work! I couldn't if I wanted to.)

I got myself a year from [personal profile] nanila, who even gave me a year I can mostly recall. I added a question back in that I've seen other people do, though.

Age then: mostly fifteen, turned sixteen toward the end of the year

Age now: twenty-seven, turning twenty-eight relatively soon

Relationship then: fifteen? I was surrounded by high schoolers with crushes they would not shut up about. To this day I've still never experienced a crush; I don't so much understand them, but man was everyone who had one annoying about it. Therefore, I steered super clear of relationships in high school, though I did actually meet the person I'm now with in 2004, I think. It may have been '05. We weren't together for a while after meeting, and if we knew each other in 2004, it wasn't well.

Relationship now: With long-term partner of I think it's going to be ten years this year wow.

Where I lived then: Where I live now, actually, in a Bronx-area house. There have just been a lot of years in between ... I lived there then with both of my parents, two birds who had free reign of the house, a tortoise who never left the living room except to go in the backyard, and a dog who was the master of all couches (there were about five to be master of).

Where I live now: Where I lived then, in a Bronx-area house! I returned in December of 2015. I now live there with my partner and my mother, and the house is always too quiet.

What my job was then: High school student, dog-walker.

What my job is now: Urgent care jack-of-all-trades (patient interviews, basic tests and procedures, clinical documentation maven, also sends prescriptions and fights with pharmacies over the phone, plus being the brunt of angry people's days), graduate student.

Was I happy then: Mostly, no. High school was terrible in every way except that it wasn't quite as bad as middle school (aka the years that I legitimately won't remember if you ask: there's a reason). As always, all of my abuse came from outside the home and there was far too much of it. This wasn't "bullying," this was systematic emotional harassment, physical assault, and also coming from teachers as well as students. My OCD and depression had been diagnosed and were being treated, but the environment was too dangerous.

Am I happy now: Parts of me are. I have a job that I really care about even if it is at times exhausting, thankless and doesn't pay anywhere near enough (whose jobs are not those things). I'm in my dream graduate school. I have a safe living situation and it turns out that my mom is actually a pretty baller housemate as an adult. But of course the center of my universe is dying, just as I've finally broken into his career field, and we were supposed to do things together. That death is at any-minute-now stage. His birthday is tomorrow. He is in a coma, I am watching him breathe. I am not happy for this.


I'm stealing the phrasing also from the person I got the meme from: Ask for a year in comments if you'd like one. If I happen to pick one you're not comfortable writing about, please let me know and I'll choose a different one. Also, if you'd like to give me another year, please do, I find this fun! Though there are a few years I may not remember enough, and I obviously wouldn't fill in the 'now's again.
delight: (Default)
1. Why did you sign up for Dreamwidth?
Okay, so ... to be completely honest I don't remember. I know I was having a lot of accessibility issues with LJ, whose layout changes were starting to cause problems. Somehow I ended up on #dw, and then a few "omg do it"s and a purple sitescheme later, I had an account during closed beta.

2. Why did you choose your journal name?
I've been pseudelight in internet circles for approximately forever, and I wanted to be even more, IDK, iconic or just short. Nowadays I use a different username for many things, anything I'm going to give access to people I may meet from work or school just because there's a lot of things attached to pseudelight that people just won't get. Mostly it's silly original fiction or memberships to odd websites, but I'm just a little paranoid about that kind of thing.

3. Do you crosspost? Why or why not?
I don't, because (as the unpleasant followup to the situation with #1) I can't actually look at LJ anymore; their layout actually gives me some kind of seizure reaction. I think my last crosspost was sometime in 2010. I believe I have maybe one or two friends who still use LJ, but I keep up with them on Twitter.

4. What do you do online when you're not on DW?
I'm very active on Twitter! I have a personal and a professional account; if you want them please poke me somehow, happy to put up links. I log into an AJAX chat for Emperor's Edge fandom sometimes, but since being in a job that gets me home at 11pm I tend to miss my chat peeps a lot. And yes, I still roleplay quite a lot. I'm not actually in any DW-based games, though, which feels weird, but I think none of them have the sort of activity policy and style I can keep up with. Used to do tumblr, but it got too overwhelming; I've been working on setting up a second account but never get around to finishing it.

Continued. )
delight: (Default)
Switching from home hospice to inpatient hospice today to manage pain better, which is a yay! A little bit of a sad yay but still an overall good thing.

The house is going to make getting in and out with a stretcher extremely exciting.

I need to post more.

And I have a meeting at 7 I actually WANT to make, and selfishly hope I can VPN it from the hospital.
delight: (the dawn)
I'm going to make a separate DW, I think, dedicated entirely to the world from this project (which I am still working on) and doing side stories and things with the characters and getting to know the entire world more. I enjoy it, and it seems like a lot of people were interested in it.

So I'm looking for a) anyone who might be interested in reading so I know if I should post the name here somewhere, and also b) if anyone wants to recommend prompt comms. I intend to do [community profile] rainbowfic even though I often have trouble with one-word and/or quotation style prompts. It's brain stretching.
delight: (don't want to talk about reasons)
1. Dad has an infection (which we initially thought was just disease process and kidney shutdown, but he's been responding really well to antibiotics so it must actually be an infection) and possibly-relatedly can't walk, so he might be moving into inpatient hospice in a couple of days. Which is fine in every way except my ability to get there.

This is a screenshot of how stupid it is. )

2. The tooth that I have had root canal-ed three times now has a bleeding hole in it and is painful. That's absurd because I shouldn't be able to feel the thing at all. Also my dentist is in Albany and I have no insurance until mid-August. (My dentist needs to stay the one in Albany, for mental health reasons. It's about 150 miles from here, and I can't actually drive that far in both directions in one day, so I need: a) insurance, b) someone to help me get there and c) a day off for both me and that person all at once.)

3. I have been doing lots of RP again, which is great ... though I am also the worst and slowest, because I rarely have time due to the way job's schedule is structured combined with all the family stuff going on and the fact I never actually get any sleep.

4. This book series makes me so ridiculously happy. It is so ridiculous. And so much fun.

5. I'm terrified of where time is going to come from when I'm working full time and going to school full time at once, because of how tired I already am now. But terrified in a kind of excited way? I'm counting down the days until school.

6. And also the days until health insurance (August 15th) because I got a really good deal with the health insurance, here. That's why I have to keep working full time; it's the insurance more than anything else. I can handle being dirt poor, I even already am even with this job (I can't afford rent without a ton of roommates, so I'm going to keep living with my mom instead, because serious big nooooooooooooooo.com on the roommate idea) but it has excellent health benefits.
delight: (at home with stuff)
I have been reading. I have been too overwhelmed by life to comment or to post. I need to amend that vaguely. Here are some things:


1. I got that job, I started that job, I finished training. I now spend most of my life in a busy urgent care clinic in Hell's Kitchen. Overworked and underpaid, but it's really nice to be doing something, even if I am nervous about how beginning grad school will screw with my schedule/availability and hope they won't fire me! (I really need the health insurance, too. Even if it will eat half of my paycheck.)

2. Dad is on hospice now; we have been given the vague prognosis of "maybe weeks or months," but he has multiple organ failure and no intake. We'll see. He's actually feeling somewhat better, which surprises no one, I think.

3. The housing market terrifies me. Spouse and I do not make enough between us to afford a studio. Once we have to stop living in mom's house, we're in huge trouble. I cannot do roommates. Not will not, but actually cannot. I would never, ever sleep. I don't trust people. I couldn't even have roommates when I was in the dorms in undergrad, and had to prove my OCD was bad enough I needed to be given a single. The fact that that worked at an overcrowded state university just tells you a lot about how much I can't cope with roommates.
delight: (Default)
Now that I'm using DW more and more, my reading list and comments feel fairly ... lonely. Are there any non-fandom adding/friending/circle memes going about I don't yet know about, or anyone who wants to host one?
delight: (at home with stuff)
The 3 question book survey a good proportion of my reading list does. With links! Now updated with shortened links that aren't going to cause issues like my original links did.

What are you reading right now?
Two things, which is very rare for me -- and still, only sort of. I'm proofing the audiobook of Thorn Fall, which means having to go through and slowly read along to the audio to check for errors. There have been a few, so I'm glad the time is being taken to do it. LB is also paying me to do it, which she didn't really have to do, but I won't complain! I'm not really an audiobook person because I tend to zone out, so it's definitely some good practice for my attention span considering I'm going back to school at the end of August.

And in terms of actual text-reading, I'm about halfway through Shattered Palms.

What did you just finish reading?
An advance review/copy proofing version of Star Nomad, and that one isn't an Amazon link because it doesn't have a preorder. Within the last two weeks, I also read Twisted Vine and The Bloodless Assassin. You can assume I recommend them all, because I wouldn't link something I didn't like. Or mention something I didn't enjoy.

The Bloodless Assassin is also hitting lots of "diverse books" points, and I even made a rec post on tumblr: none of the characters are white, one of the two mains is clearly coded as dark-toned Black, the monarch has a same-sex lover and nobody regards this as anything more than normal, etc. (There are basically no white people in the Lei Texeira series either, but there is one who is a major character.)

What do you think you'll read next?
Either the Kalayna Price book that T got me (though it has a love triangle so I'm a little wary), the sequel to Star Nomad whose title I am unaware of, or the seventh Lei Texeira book. I'm trying to make the Lei series last and not massively binge them, but it's hard, because they're good and my 1-Click goes to a credit card so it takes me a month to notice how much I'm spending on ebooks.

I also really want to get the sequel to Bloodless Assassin, but I do have to be careful with the money. And it's tempting to go back to Thorn Fall's first book, Torrent, but I distinctly recall that that was one where it's a rusty start and I definitely tell people that if Rust & Relics' weirdness is the kind of cross-genre weirdness they enjoy, the books get better and stronger as the series goes on.
delight: basset hound on back (basic doggerel)
So today, between the hours of 6 and 12, I:

– disconnected Dad's TPN
– learned I had gotten a job
– went to Staples to scan important paperwork related to that job
found some of the other important paperwork related to that job
– and my high school diploma, which apparently they have to have on file due to state law even though they already have my university one
– started laundry
– did some cleaning of bedroom
– did dishes

I still need to:
– get the rest of the paperwork scanned
– finish the laundry (there are a few more loads)
– vacuum
– do a bunch of writing stuff I'm not going to wear myself out itemizing
– dressing change

But for now I'm taking a nap.
delight: (relaxed in tiny empty spaces)
I'm waiting for a phone call about a job offer, right?

So I've gotten four calls today from numbers without a custom ringtone (which means I'll usually ignore them) ... they have all been out-of-state area codes that I've just ignored and then listened to the voicemail. None of which has had anything to do with the job, of course: three hang-ups and one scam.
delight: (awesome)
So in a couple of hours I have a job interview, and I would really like it to have happened already, without having to be part of it happening. I actually had to mess with my meds today to make sure I wouldn't be physically shaking.

This is actually a second interview, and I did well enough on the first to get a second – but was told I was something of an anomaly in that once I admitted that since applying (3 months ago ... medical system HR is notoriously slow, my hospital-oriented family thought that sounded pretty fast) I'd been accepted to a graduate program that was all evening classes, I should have been counted out because my availability didn't meet their needs. I can't do four 8am-8pm shifts a week if I have to leave at 3 to get to class, after all.

But for one reason or another, and I never got the exact reason why, they decided to get me a second interview with the practice manager and medical director anyway. "Maybe head office can work with you," said Phone Interviewer.

I suppose this means I shouldn't be that nervous, because it probably means that I'm a good enough fit that they only wouldn't hire me because of the availability issue, but ... I'm autistic, I hate talking about myself, I hate eye contact, and I really want this to work out in that I can have this job and have school and still have time to breathe and not mess one up in favor of the other. Also, my luck necklace doesn't match my outfit in the slightest but it's hiding under my shirt because I'm afraid to not have it.

Aaand I'm not sure how to conclude this post so I'm just calling it over.
delight: dog ears (you're coming in loud & clear)
I'm reading a book series now (I only meant to read the first one, but got sucked in, goodbye money) where the main character's dog, a character in her own right, is named Keiki.

And despite knowing the dog is named after the plant, because like me the protagonist keeps orchids, I can't help but think of [personal profile] nanila and her little boy.




In other news, I'm going to the new students' social tonight for grad school, and am just like ... I am the most socially awkward person on the planet, how terribly is this going to go?
delight: girl with parakeet (serious consultation)
Dear readers, people who clicked on my name on network, etc,

Today my neurologist decided she really wanted to be able to make triptans accessible to me because of concerns about my abortive therapy availability. This means she has proposed switching from escitalopram, the 6th in a series of antidepressants I've taken for a long time and failed, to effexor, which ... I only trialed for three weeks and then got switched and was about sixteen at the time.

Because it's not an SSRI it's apparently triptan-friendly.

I'm confident I'd stay on Wellbutrin because I need that for executive functioning things too, the escitalopram is largely there just to counter the anxiety that the Wellbutrin makes worse, but --

But, I know quite a few people who read my DW at times take venlafaxine, so please tell me what you think of it, what the onset period was like, how it works in comparison to other things, &c? Much appreciated in advance!
Jan. 16th, 2016 03:12 pm

Sigh 2.0

delight: post-it note in spring holder reading "HELP!" (help!)
Personal statement writing for graduate school is just about the most awful process I have ever experienced except for being involved with lawsuits.

Especially when they provide no length guidelines, and in order to adequately tell my story it takes up a considerable amount of space, cluttering up areas where I would rather talk about what I want to do with some of the shit I have done (or, rather, have experienced that I'd rather have avoided, but gives me an, as I put it, "unique outlook on some areas of health promotion").



But in order to add something positive (and also related!) to this post, here's a link: CVS offering naloxone prescription free.
delight: girl with camera; text "replace fear of the unknown with curiosity" (see you later innovator)
This is a hodgepodge of different people's variations on this meme, now, so I'm not even sure where 100% of the questions are sourced at this point. 2015 was most likely actually the worst year of my life, even if there were also some really good things in it.

Without further ado, meme. )
delight: (Default)
Dad has progressed a lot -- like, I think this is the end, like we are looking at weeks -- and my inability to concentrate on anything may have completely fried my chances at graduate school for the near future. I haven't kept in touch with my recommenders, I haven't managed my personal statement, and I haven't edited down my "this is why my GPA sucks" letter in order to fit the really horrific character limit (600 characters to explain four separate circumstances?).

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delight: (Default)
a mouse, not in conformational homeostasis

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