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So I do not have an AO3 account because I don't write fanfic that I'm willing to show anyone (though I've considered joining just to be able to do 'Original Work' for treats for exchanges that I watch), but a discussion on a friend's journal just now had me wondering about something and I went to check.
And I have discovered that while there are multiple freeform 'the dog lives' tags, there is no uniformly applied tag for "the dog doesn't die" that one can also use to find fics that include dogs that don't die.
But at least a lot of people are warning for whether or not dogs die, because that's basically the only thing I would want a concrete warning for. (Well, that and the one DNW EVER that no one ever warns for, so I accept it as something to make me DNF a thing rather than not start it.)
And I have discovered that while there are multiple freeform 'the dog lives' tags, there is no uniformly applied tag for "the dog doesn't die" that one can also use to find fics that include dogs that don't die.
But at least a lot of people are warning for whether or not dogs die, because that's basically the only thing I would want a concrete warning for. (Well, that and the one DNW EVER that no one ever warns for, so I accept it as something to make me DNF a thing rather than not start it.)
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And while I would absolutely still send a note of "oh hey, thing!", is it useful or irrelevant to add details like "it's someone in a terrible relationship connecting outside that relationship before ending the terrible one" or "this person is up in the air about whether they will ever be able to see their partner again/if their partner is alive anymore" in terms of parsing/deciding? ETA: Oh, the other factor I could see being relevant or not relevant info is - would it be useful to know whether the narrative voice/story arc frames it as A Mistake/Bad Thing That This Person Did or a neutral/meaningless/good thing they did?
Like the one thing I can think of off the top of my head is that Moira, in Signifier, is likely to end up with a romantic-sexual relationship with someone in the other-world while she is still technically married/partnered to her (emotionally abusive) husband (and in fact the development of that relationship is in part what clues her in to " . . .oh. My marriage . . . was/is actually terrible and abusive and it wasn't actually cool he treated me like that . . . ").
And for the eta: in Empress in Iron there are absolutely noble-women who might end up on-screen who would both be what their society considers unfaithful and at the same time never see it as Bad from their own pov or be "punished" for it by the narrative, because, well, life is shit like that sometimes. (Delat is highly likely to think they're morons, but it's still highly likely to be similar to high-powered men in extremely patriarchal societies today.)
Again, ZERO judgement of any kind or extrapolation of anything from the answer, just again setting parameters on the matter of "is the extra detail helpful information, or a waste of time beyond the straight-up 'this will happen on-screen' forewarning?". (Since I know, like. Sometimes people are shitty and ask these things in the BUT I FEEL YOU SHOULD FEEL DIFFERENTLY way - I do not! I am just tuning the frequency.)
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So! Context is huge. Unfortunately the ways in which context applies can vary; one time I said "so long as I don't need to think it's okay or in any way expect to relate to a character who is cheating it's fine" but then there are circumstances as you described where the 'relationship' really ... isn't one that deserves fidelity, and yet it still counts. And can sometimes still super mess me up. Sometimes it's something I can handle because the rest of my brain weasels are on vacation or taking a nap, and sometimes it still hits the irrational side of the no button.
The worst part of the irrational side of the no button is the one where someone's partner might be dead, which is to some people a logical thing and to the OCD voice part of me is THE MOST TERRIBLE THING. If the partner is actually dead I'm way more sympathetic to new romantic relationships in the way where lots of readers will say things like "wow they've only beendead a month it's kind of shitty to be moving on" ... no, see, I'm okay with that because it's a coping mechanism, but if someone MIGHT be dead? The 'betrayal' ping has gone off in my head (and it's actually an act of betrayal that's tied up in my past trauma issues, even though it is not actually infidelity, and I'm sure there's a connection to how much I flip out about it) and leads to a total shutdown. ... if I'm not expecting it. Because warnings sometimes make everything OK.
If characters don't see something as infidelity it would probably be easier and yet depending on the narrative framing could still be an issue.
tl;dr CONTEXT IS GREAT, PLEASE DELIVER CONTEXT, even if the context doesn't change the fact I need the warning. It just kind of helps determine when I can handle reading something. Rationally I do not at all care if abusive dickheads are being "betrayed," but OCD is like whoa hey no let's go jump out this 5th story window.
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(My most tangled one is "so I kind of eat this up in fiction with a spoon but would legitimately flip my shit over it in real life, but also I end up REALLY GROSSED OUT if I get the strong impression that the AUTHOR/NARRATIVE doesn't recognize that this is fucked up, but that doesn't actually mean that I need the narrative to PUNISH anyone involved it just needs to - oh god never mind just warn me all the time for anything even remotely in the general area of dubcon so I can avoid it . . . "
Or "someone with previously completely monosexual preference ends up with Single Case of Footnote - ie 'I only like men except for Sandy/only like women except for Paul' or whatever which triggered THE FUCK OUT OF ME when it was in The Tower and the Hive and yet if done in the right way . . .but like don't . . .expect me to be able to articulate 'the right way' because THING - "
So like, not exactly the same, but mostly just: this shit is complicated and stories tend to hit us in the part underneath our rational spaces and when you throw in brain-wiring weirdness we are just in the territory of 'this shit is complicated'.")
OH I had one more question that I thought of: stories where something starts as infidelity but things are worked out to functional (full communicative) poly in the end? This one is a little more just curiousity, but the curiousity is rooted in "the more I grasp about details of what hits and doesn't, the more I feel confident in not missing something that will in retrospect make me go 'argh I should have said'."
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But I still could not be surprised by it, since if it LOOKS like infidelity I won't make it to the end. XD You don't have to say anything more than "it has a good-for-you ending" though, since I will be able to figure out what you meant in context. I actually love all forms of interpersonal conflict because I think happy-fluffy relationships are boring, but have to know that things will be what my brain considers 'good' in the end to get through them -- like I'm okay if my OTP/3 breaks up so long as they get back together. That probably falls under the same lines as 'they get back together in the end' except EVERYONE gets (back) together in the end ... which is something friends usually content-note at me as just "this has an ending you will like so stick out the bad stuff." No details required!
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THUMBS UP Cool beans that helps parameters exceedingly. :D Have a good meeting!
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Cuz if not: that is straight up literally one of the (cutest, best) relationship storylines of the series.