delight | (no subject)

SO, I'm super depressed! The endogenous kind that has no situational cause, but makes me completely unable to do anything.

Have been for a few months now; dysfunctionally, disastrously super depressed. I'm supposed to be diarying specific details and tracking the function of my upcoming rTMS therapy, but that'll go in a different account since I want it to be able to be public for my doctor & company to be able to see but don't want to force my present DW audience to read it.

HOWEVER, getting proper treatment when meds don't work has turned into a three-ring circus. It concluded two of its rings over the weekend when I went to the crisis unit asking if they could maybe make it happen faster than June, since I thought I was going to die. They did. But ...

The rest of the story is the embedded tweets, because I'm not telling it twice on this energy level:

The good news is I’ll be starting on the rTMS process to kill the treatment resistant depression that had me in the crisis unit over the weekend … tomorrow.

Bad news is I need $14,000 because insurance authorization can take months.
— Rue likes bones 🦴 (@pseudelight) April 11, 2022

So BASICALLY, come up with it out of pocket or die waiting for insurance (they didn’t say that but they very calmly and politely told me it can take a long long time).
— Rue likes bones 🦴 (@pseudelight) April 11, 2022

Because severely depressed people are super wonderful managing money, I turned to my mom and cried.

The clinic would be willing to wait but no one thinks it’s safe for me to, least of all me. I haven’t really been functioning.
— Rue likes bones 🦴 (@pseudelight) April 11, 2022

Anyway we’ve got the first few appointments covered and will worry later, but.

Thanks insurance.

The time it takes to pre-authorize can kill people. Treatment-resistant depression is a terminal illness. I have private insurance and was looking at another month of not —
— Rue likes bones 🦴 (@pseudelight) April 11, 2022

— really eating or sleeping let alone doing PhD work that has hard deadlines I’ve already missed. Medicaid is even slower, meaning that people who don’t have a parent they can cry to are even more likely to die.

Fuck private health delivery so, so hard.
— Rue likes bones 🦴 (@pseudelight) April 11, 2022

I left comments open just in case but pls do not anticipate replies. ♥

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:hugs: I'm so sorry you're dealing with all of this.

*hugs* if wanted.

The system is so, so broken. I'm glad you were able to find a solution for the moment and I hope this is the beginning of improvement for you. <3

Thinking of you.

Good grief, I am so very sorry you're dealing with all that. I hope you get some relief soon.

FUCK THIS SADISTIC SYSTEM. I am so sorry.

If you are OK with linking, I would like to read your rTMS diary. If not, no worries.

i would like at this point to metaphorically bonk my head into you in sympathy, and frequent empathy.

ugh. I hate the American health care system so much. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.