post-op theatre, part I

[delight]

(all of this is on Monday, while we're still in the hospital -- there is more!)

RUE: The board says 'ANN 6 REC.' Annenberg floor 6 recovery? How do we get there?
DAD: I -- honestly I have no idea. Probably over a bridge. That we can't get to.
RUE: Spectacular.
DAD: They won't give us directions because "the patient is going home today," which is another pretty dumb reason.
RUE: Not knowing how to get there means we can't sneak over.
DAD: Yes.
[Later, we did figure out how to get there, but never actually got to go there.]

RUE: Do you think if I start crying they'll let us in to recovery? Dr. K said twenty minutes --
DAD: The business administrators are evil, and I think ... maybe if you were six. It worked when you were six.

[the only quote not from someone who was there, as parents decided it merited inclusion:]
BRADY: Consume some concrete later, and think of me!¹

DAD: Not bad for concrete.
RUE: I think it's pretty good, actually.¹

DAD: It starts with L, I think.
RUE: [Googling] ... Levain Bakery?
DAD: Could be.
RUE: Six hundred and four five star reviews?
DAD: Definitely that one.

[we've been waiting five hours to be allowed to see her]
RUE: ... so ... want to go to a movie?
DAD: I was thinking about that.

DAD: There's an ice cream place about two miles from here, but I don't want your heart to explode.
RUE: It is really hot and I'm starting to feel kind of --
DAD: Mister Softee, five o'clock!

[having moved into a medical school lecture-conference room to play cards]
RUE: Someone's presentation is here. "Shane Svoboda, PGY-1, anal cancer patient."
DAD: Is that really his name?
RUE: ... Yes? [holds out paper]
DAD: [to the tune of "My Sharona"] Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun, dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun, Shaaaaaane Svo-bo-da!

DAD: You also realize, with this guy, any nurse ever is able to call out, "Shane! Come back, Shane!"

DAD: I just realized -- this room is really dreary.
RUE: ... didn't you used to teach in here?
DAD: Well, yeah. I guess I forgot.

DAD: Go check the board. And if you hear somebody page Dr. Svoboda, go find him and get his autograph.

[having settled into Mom's room post-admission]
RUE: Here, Dad, something to cheer you up. [turns on iTunes and starts playing "My Sharona"]
DAD: [sings 'Shane Svoboda' over 'My Sharona']
MOM: Now, I'm on heavy narcotics, I realize this, but what did you just say?
DAD: [tells entire story]
RUE: Oh, and here's a copy of his presentation we took, if he comes by and you can get his autograph.

DAD: [vanishes]
RUE: ... where'd he go?
MOM: Oh, did he really leave? I thought that was a hallucination.

RUE: Dad. [pokes Dad who has his eyes shut in the chair.] Wake up.
DAD: Why.

MOM: Okay, go home. Rush hour has passed. Get me a lemonade bar.
RUE: Well, we checked in the cafeteria.
DAD: They had frozen tea bars. They had peach cobbler bars. But no lemon.

(In the car on the way home, we listened to The Panderers' "Shane.")


¹ To explain the "concrete": it is a food item available at the Shake Shack chain of restaurants. The concrete is very, very thick frozen custard filled with other things and has the consistency of, well, wet mixed concrete. If you turn it upside down, nothing comes out. Really. We tried.

Comments

[distractionary]

But did you guys go to a movie, or at least decide which movie you would have gone to?

[delight]

No, the cards were instead. We'd already waited five hours, we figured it couldn't POSSIBLY be much longer ...

We were wrong, of course, but.

[jesse_the_k]

Your family would have been a winner in vaudeville.

[amethystfirefly]

At least your family is able to keep their sense of humor. :)

[ce_jour_la]

I'm sitting in an airport with no company and irritated at the airline, so thank you for making me laugh. :)