delight: (Default)
Switching from home hospice to inpatient hospice today to manage pain better, which is a yay! A little bit of a sad yay but still an overall good thing.

The house is going to make getting in and out with a stretcher extremely exciting.

I need to post more.

And I have a meeting at 7 I actually WANT to make, and selfishly hope I can VPN it from the hospital.
delight: (the dawn)
I'm going to make a separate DW, I think, dedicated entirely to the world from this project (which I am still working on) and doing side stories and things with the characters and getting to know the entire world more. I enjoy it, and it seems like a lot of people were interested in it.

So I'm looking for a) anyone who might be interested in reading so I know if I should post the name here somewhere, and also b) if anyone wants to recommend prompt comms. I intend to do [community profile] rainbowfic even though I often have trouble with one-word and/or quotation style prompts. It's brain stretching.
delight: (don't want to talk about reasons)
1. Dad has an infection (which we initially thought was just disease process and kidney shutdown, but he's been responding really well to antibiotics so it must actually be an infection) and possibly-relatedly can't walk, so he might be moving into inpatient hospice in a couple of days. Which is fine in every way except my ability to get there.

This is a screenshot of how stupid it is. )

2. The tooth that I have had root canal-ed three times now has a bleeding hole in it and is painful. That's absurd because I shouldn't be able to feel the thing at all. Also my dentist is in Albany and I have no insurance until mid-August. (My dentist needs to stay the one in Albany, for mental health reasons. It's about 150 miles from here, and I can't actually drive that far in both directions in one day, so I need: a) insurance, b) someone to help me get there and c) a day off for both me and that person all at once.)

3. I have been doing lots of RP again, which is great ... though I am also the worst and slowest, because I rarely have time due to the way job's schedule is structured combined with all the family stuff going on and the fact I never actually get any sleep.

4. This book series makes me so ridiculously happy. It is so ridiculous. And so much fun.

5. I'm terrified of where time is going to come from when I'm working full time and going to school full time at once, because of how tired I already am now. But terrified in a kind of excited way? I'm counting down the days until school.

6. And also the days until health insurance (August 15th) because I got a really good deal with the health insurance, here. That's why I have to keep working full time; it's the insurance more than anything else. I can handle being dirt poor, I even already am even with this job (I can't afford rent without a ton of roommates, so I'm going to keep living with my mom instead, because serious big on the roommate idea) but it has excellent health benefits.
delight: (at home with stuff)
I have been reading. I have been too overwhelmed by life to comment or to post. I need to amend that vaguely. Here are some things:

1. I got that job, I started that job, I finished training. I now spend most of my life in a busy urgent care clinic in Hell's Kitchen. Overworked and underpaid, but it's really nice to be doing something, even if I am nervous about how beginning grad school will screw with my schedule/availability and hope they won't fire me! (I really need the health insurance, too. Even if it will eat half of my paycheck.)

2. Dad is on hospice now; we have been given the vague prognosis of "maybe weeks or months," but he has multiple organ failure and no intake. We'll see. He's actually feeling somewhat better, which surprises no one, I think.

3. The housing market terrifies me. Spouse and I do not make enough between us to afford a studio. Once we have to stop living in mom's house, we're in huge trouble. I cannot do roommates. Not will not, but actually cannot. I would never, ever sleep. I don't trust people. I couldn't even have roommates when I was in the dorms in undergrad, and had to prove my OCD was bad enough I needed to be given a single. The fact that that worked at an overcrowded state university just tells you a lot about how much I can't cope with roommates.
delight: (Default)
Now that I'm using DW more and more, my reading list and comments feel fairly ... lonely. Are there any non-fandom adding/friending/circle memes going about I don't yet know about, or anyone who wants to host one?
delight: (at home with stuff)
The 3 question book survey a good proportion of my reading list does. With links! Now updated with shortened links that aren't going to cause issues like my original links did.

What are you reading right now?
Two things, which is very rare for me -- and still, only sort of. I'm proofing the audiobook of Thorn Fall, which means having to go through and slowly read along to the audio to check for errors. There have been a few, so I'm glad the time is being taken to do it. LB is also paying me to do it, which she didn't really have to do, but I won't complain! I'm not really an audiobook person because I tend to zone out, so it's definitely some good practice for my attention span considering I'm going back to school at the end of August.

And in terms of actual text-reading, I'm about halfway through Shattered Palms.

What did you just finish reading?
An advance review/copy proofing version of Star Nomad, and that one isn't an Amazon link because it doesn't have a preorder. Within the last two weeks, I also read Twisted Vine and The Bloodless Assassin. You can assume I recommend them all, because I wouldn't link something I didn't like. Or mention something I didn't enjoy.

The Bloodless Assassin is also hitting lots of "diverse books" points, and I even made a rec post on tumblr: none of the characters are white, one of the two mains is clearly coded as dark-toned Black, the monarch has a same-sex lover and nobody regards this as anything more than normal, etc. (There are basically no white people in the Lei Texeira series either, but there is one who is a major character.)

What do you think you'll read next?
Either the Kalayna Price book that T got me (though it has a love triangle so I'm a little wary), the sequel to Star Nomad whose title I am unaware of, or the seventh Lei Texeira book. I'm trying to make the Lei series last and not massively binge them, but it's hard, because they're good and my 1-Click goes to a credit card so it takes me a month to notice how much I'm spending on ebooks.

I also really want to get the sequel to Bloodless Assassin, but I do have to be careful with the money. And it's tempting to go back to Thorn Fall's first book, Torrent, but I distinctly recall that that was one where it's a rusty start and I definitely tell people that if Rust & Relics' weirdness is the kind of cross-genre weirdness they enjoy, the books get better and stronger as the series goes on.
delight: basset hound on back (basic doggerel)
So today, between the hours of 6 and 12, I:

– disconnected Dad's TPN
– learned I had gotten a job
– went to Staples to scan important paperwork related to that job
found some of the other important paperwork related to that job
– and my high school diploma, which apparently they have to have on file due to state law even though they already have my university one
– started laundry
– did some cleaning of bedroom
– did dishes

I still need to:
– get the rest of the paperwork scanned
– finish the laundry (there are a few more loads)
– vacuum
– do a bunch of writing stuff I'm not going to wear myself out itemizing
– dressing change

But for now I'm taking a nap.
delight: (relaxed in tiny empty spaces)
I'm waiting for a phone call about a job offer, right?

So I've gotten four calls today from numbers without a custom ringtone (which means I'll usually ignore them) ... they have all been out-of-state area codes that I've just ignored and then listened to the voicemail. None of which has had anything to do with the job, of course: three hang-ups and one scam.
delight: (awesome)
So in a couple of hours I have a job interview, and I would really like it to have happened already, without having to be part of it happening. I actually had to mess with my meds today to make sure I wouldn't be physically shaking.

This is actually a second interview, and I did well enough on the first to get a second – but was told I was something of an anomaly in that once I admitted that since applying (3 months ago ... medical system HR is notoriously slow, my hospital-oriented family thought that sounded pretty fast) I'd been accepted to a graduate program that was all evening classes, I should have been counted out because my availability didn't meet their needs. I can't do four 8am-8pm shifts a week if I have to leave at 3 to get to class, after all.

But for one reason or another, and I never got the exact reason why, they decided to get me a second interview with the practice manager and medical director anyway. "Maybe head office can work with you," said Phone Interviewer.

I suppose this means I shouldn't be that nervous, because it probably means that I'm a good enough fit that they only wouldn't hire me because of the availability issue, but ... I'm autistic, I hate talking about myself, I hate eye contact, and I really want this to work out in that I can have this job and have school and still have time to breathe and not mess one up in favor of the other. Also, my luck necklace doesn't match my outfit in the slightest but it's hiding under my shirt because I'm afraid to not have it.

Aaand I'm not sure how to conclude this post so I'm just calling it over.
delight: dog ears (you're coming in loud & clear)
I'm reading a book series now (I only meant to read the first one, but got sucked in, goodbye money) where the main character's dog, a character in her own right, is named Keiki.

And despite knowing the dog is named after the plant, because like me the protagonist keeps orchids, I can't help but think of [personal profile] nanila and her little boy.

In other news, I'm going to the new students' social tonight for grad school, and am just like ... I am the most socially awkward person on the planet, how terribly is this going to go?
delight: girl with parakeet (serious consultation)
Dear readers, people who clicked on my name on network, etc,

Today my neurologist decided she really wanted to be able to make triptans accessible to me because of concerns about my abortive therapy availability. This means she has proposed switching from escitalopram, the 6th in a series of antidepressants I've taken for a long time and failed, to effexor, which ... I only trialed for three weeks and then got switched and was about sixteen at the time.

Because it's not an SSRI it's apparently triptan-friendly.

I'm confident I'd stay on Wellbutrin because I need that for executive functioning things too, the escitalopram is largely there just to counter the anxiety that the Wellbutrin makes worse, but --

But, I know quite a few people who read my DW at times take venlafaxine, so please tell me what you think of it, what the onset period was like, how it works in comparison to other things, &c? Much appreciated in advance!

Sigh 2.0

Jan. 16th, 2016 03:12 pm
delight: post-it note in spring holder reading "HELP!" (help!)
Personal statement writing for graduate school is just about the most awful process I have ever experienced except for being involved with lawsuits.

Especially when they provide no length guidelines, and in order to adequately tell my story it takes up a considerable amount of space, cluttering up areas where I would rather talk about what I want to do with some of the shit I have done (or, rather, have experienced that I'd rather have avoided, but gives me an, as I put it, "unique outlook on some areas of health promotion").

But in order to add something positive (and also related!) to this post, here's a link: CVS offering naloxone prescription free.
delight: girl with camera; text "replace fear of the unknown with curiosity" (see you later innovator)
This is a hodgepodge of different people's variations on this meme, now, so I'm not even sure where 100% of the questions are sourced at this point. 2015 was most likely actually the worst year of my life, even if there were also some really good things in it.

Without further ado, meme. )
delight: (Default)
Dad has progressed a lot -- like, I think this is the end, like we are looking at weeks -- and my inability to concentrate on anything may have completely fried my chances at graduate school for the near future. I haven't kept in touch with my recommenders, I haven't managed my personal statement, and I haven't edited down my "this is why my GPA sucks" letter in order to fit the really horrific character limit (600 characters to explain four separate circumstances?).
delight: (Default)
Especially since we're probably both going to be working in Brooklyn -- he definitely is, and I haven't found a job yet because I have no decent work history and am supposed to wait until after finals to start applying (plus the registrar still has a minor screwup on my audit which means I may not get my degree at the end of the month, which is a problem for another day) -- the idea of living with my parents for at least the next few months and possibly longer seems somewhat tiring. Just tiring, not unpleasant, and I am so grateful to them I can't put it into words.

It seemed a lot more tiring, though, before after spending three days there we came back up here and while I love our apartment and having privacy, everything is also so lonely.

And cold, though right now is an exception.

Cold and lonely -- and inaccessible, because there's no public transit anywhere -- isn't a fantastic way to live. When I was down there dad was completely snowed from chemo so I kept checking on him, and then stopping in to talk to mom about stuff; my restless stim walking in circles had actual aims. Here, I just tripped into a mop bucket as the highlight of my accomplishments.

I'm making lists; lists about why I'm glad to be leaving here, lists about good things about living with my parents. I may post them.

(My aunt also made me feel so much better about it when she left me a facebook comment that was basically, "so are you moving back to help your folks out?" when finding out I graduated on Sunday; she didn't make it sound like "lol you're in a permanent relationship and supposed to have your act together as adults living together and not both crash in someone else's house because you can't come up with a security deposit," but like "your family is having a hard time and your moving in is a good thing.")
delight: (Default)
I have to write two and a half papers over the course of the next seven hours.

And then five more by 5pm on Friday.

They are only required to be about five pages each, but oh my god, end of the semester, do you want to lay off a little?

(I'm also moving with absolutely no assistance except my partner and basically no funds to do so but we have to, this month is just the biggest catastrophe timewise.)
delight: (crown of pointy spindles)
Non-awkward way of telling professor you've had one class with, "So, my dad is dying of pancreatic cancer -- slowly -- and next class is his birthday, so I won't be here"?

... I'm pretty sure is nonexistent, so I will just be saying that.

Tiny ETA: Some people have left some really interesting comments to me in response to other comments, or just really kind comments, and I haven't gotten back to them because I'm in end of summer term project chaos mode -- I have not forgotten you, if you see this post and wonder. ♥
delight: (Default)
Quick FYI: DW apparently removed some people from my circle somehow? IDK. So if you got a notification that I added you, and were pretty sure I had already added you, I didn't remove you on purpose.
delight: (Default)
Ugh, no, seriously, I am realizing that my lack of having more than 15 icons is contributing to my inability to post regularly. That is so dumb, self, stop, you do not have the money for paid time with what little you are getting out of DW use right now.

Well, my doctor decided to refer me to genetics (which will be one of two clinics, and it's totally a luck of the draw which one calls me in the next 3 days for an appointment, they're both very good) in order to settle this BRCA gene thing once and for all. Now that both of my parents are clearly positive and both have resultant cancers, as well as my mom's grandmother, my female cousin on my mom's side, and my dad's sister, in the way of preventive medicine we're getting me figured out sooner than later.

And what I'm actually afraid of is discovering that I don't have the gene.

Because I expect to die from cancer. Everyone in my family does, on both sides (except for my mom's mom, who is currently in hospice due to ... the autoimmune disease she and I share that no one else has!), and my genuine fear is of discovering I'm wrong about that certainty in my future. I'm prepared for prophylactic surgeries, I'm prepared for making advance directive decisions. Those are things I can and will do. (I honestly hate everything about having nipples anyway. Take 'em. When you start spontaneously lactating at age 11, you don't want your nipples at 26, because believe me, you already hate them, and they have no benefits.) Finding out everyone was wrong, and despite both of my parents being positive, I'm not? That shakes my existence. And I hadn't realized until today that that is the reason besides cost that I was putting off the test.

(Cost is no longer an issue, thanks to being on a state exchange health plan - they're required to cover genetic testing for people in my risk group. So thanks Obama. Not sarcasm.)
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